How to argue without destroying a relationship

Answer and give a real example for each one.

1. What do people argue about most often in your family or at work?
2. Are you someone who avoids conflict or faces it?
3. How do you usually feel after an argument?
4. Is it easy for you to say "I'm sorry"?
5. What is the silliest argument you have ever had?
6. Who is the best at calming people down in your family or team?

For each word or phrase, think of a real situation and say one sentence.

Choose the word or phrase that fits.

1. We had a big about who should do the dishes.
2. I thought the meeting was on Monday, she thought Tuesday. It was just a .
3. You were wrong. You should .
4. It's not my fault! Don't me!
5. He wanted the sea, she wanted the mountains. They had to .
6. You're too angry to talk now. First .
7. I made a mistake ten years ago and she still .
8. Every time I make a small comment, he gets so .

Choose the word that goes together, then press Check answers.

1. to
   raiseliftgrow
   your voice
2. to
   clearcleanopen
   the air
3. to find common
   groundplaceland
4. to take something
   personallypersonalperson
5. to sort
   outupoff
   a problem
6. to apologise
   foraboutto
   being late

Use each phrase in a short real situation.

• I see your point, but...Я розумію твою позицію, але...I see your point, but I still think we should wait.
• I feel... when you...Я почуваюся..., коли ти...I feel ignored when you look at your phone.
• Let's try to find a solution that...Давай спробуємо знайти рішення, яке...Let's try to find a solution that works for both of us.
• I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...Вибач, я не хотів(-ла)...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you.
• Can we talk about...?Можемо поговорити про...?Can we talk about what happened yesterday?
• How about we...?А що, якщо ми...?How about we take turns?
• If I were you, I'd...На твоєму місці я б...If I were you, I'd talk to her directly.
• You'd better... / You'd better not...Тобі краще... / Тобі краще не...You'd better apologise before it's too late.

Read the article. Hover over the dotted words for help.

1. Gottman says happy couples never argue.
   TrueFalse
2. Criticism means attacking the person, not the problem.
   TrueFalse
3. Gottman thinks contempt is the most dangerous sign.
   TrueFalse
4. Stonewalling means shouting loudly.
   TrueFalse
5. Stable couples have about five positive moments for each negative one.
   TrueFalse

1. Which of the "Four Horsemen" do you see most often around you (at work, in families, online)?
2. Which one are you most likely to use when you're angry?
3. What "repair attempts" work for you?
4. Could Gottman's ideas help in a workplace conflict? How?

Softer ways to give advice: Why don't you...? / How about + -ing? / Have you thought about + -ing? Why don't you invite her for coffee? How about writing him a letter? Careful: ✗ You should to call. ✗ If I was you (in correct B1 English: If I were you).

1. You
   shouldshould to
   tell him how you feel.
2. If I
   weream
   you, I'd say sorry.
3. You'd
   betterbest
   leave now or you'll miss the train.
4. Why don't you
   callcalling
   her tonight?
5. How about
   meetingmeet
   halfway?
6. You
   ought toought
   listen more.
7. You'd better
   not saydon't say
   anything to Mum yet.
8. Have you thought about
   talkingto talk
   to your manager?

Each sentence has one mistake. Type the correct words.

1. You should to apologise. →
2. If I was you, I'd call him. →
3. You'd better to hurry. →
4. Why you don't talk to her? →
5. How about to meet tomorrow? →
6. You had better don't argue. →

Answer in detail. Use should, ought to, 'd better, If I were you and Why don't you.

1. What advice would you give a couple who argue about money?
2. A friend never apologises. What should they do, and what had they better not do?
3. Your colleague takes credit for your work. What would you do if you were in this situation?
4. Your neighbours have loud parties every weekend. What ought you to do first?
5. What advice would you give your younger self about arguments?
6. Two of your friends aren't speaking. How about trying to help? What would you do?

For each case: say what the problem really is, how each person feels, and give three pieces of advice. Which of the "Four Horsemen" should they avoid?

Answer honestly and give examples.

1. When you're angry, do you shout, go silent, or talk calmly?
2. Do you forgive quickly or hold a grudge?
3. Is it better to sort out problems straight away or to wait a day?
4. Have you ever had to say sorry when you didn't think you were wrong?
5. What is the best way to end an argument?

1. When was the last time you apologised? What for?
2. What makes you lose your temper?
3. Do you find it easy to forgive?
4. Have you ever ended a friendship because of an argument?
5. How do you calm down when you're angry?
6. What is the best way to tell someone they've hurt you?
7. Do you argue more with family or with colleagues?
8. Is there a topic you never discuss with certain people?

1. Who is the best person you know at solving conflicts? What do they do?
2. Should parents argue in front of their children?
3. How should a manager deal with two employees who don't get on?
4. Is it OK to argue with strangers online?
5. Do men and women argue differently?
6. Why do people hold grudges for years?

1. Can arguments make a relationship stronger?
2. Is it always better to be honest, even if it hurts?
3. Should you always try to compromise?
4. Why are online discussions often so aggressive?
5. Can countries learn from couples about solving conflicts?
6. Is it a sign of strength or weakness to apologise first?

"It's better to avoid arguments than to have them."

Round 1: give your real opinion for 1–2 minutes. Round 2: defend the opposite side for 1 minute. Use: I see your point, but... · If you avoid..., you'll... · Let's be realistic... · I'd say it depends on...